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Swingers Guide


General Hints for Enjoyable Swinging

In the context of swinging, "couples" need not be
married. They should, however, have at least a little history
together and familiarity with each others’ emotional needs, and be
comfortable approaching others as a "couple." The general
rule of thumb is that swinging works best when couples view swinging
as an enhancement to their existing sexual relationship, rather than
as a replacement for a failing one.

As one would expect, good communication is critical in any attempt
at swinging as a couple. There are many, many different forms that
swinging may take, and whichever one you choose is fine as long as you
and your partner are clear about what you are doing and why. Sex has
the potential to be an emotionally-charged area, and the pleasures
that may be found in swinging can generally be reached only when both
partners are sensitive to each others’ needs, and put their partner’s
comfort first. From a more pragmatic point of view, there will always
be another party, another personal ad, another dance, another
convention; there may not be another chance to salvage an exploration
into swinging if one partner becomes overwhelmed in "the garden
of delights" and forgets to treat his or her primary partner with
sensitivity and respect.

It’s important to keep in mind that swinging is primarily a SOCIAL
activity. The ordinary social customs of meeting people and
initiating a conversation are really not that different than at any
other type of social gathering, and the process by which acquaintances
become close friends is not that different either. The key social
traits that tend to be appreciated in the swinging community are
responsibility, friendliness, flirtatiousness, open-mindedness, and
most importantly stability with regard to one’s primary

As is the case with almost all human social endeavors, if you
already know people in a particular community you’ll probably be
happier if you attend your first few events with these people so they
can introduce you to others. Waiting a little while and watching how
others behave is also a good idea, as it is in almost any new social
situation. Common courtesy, of course, is as welcome in the swinging
community as it is in any other community; we’re all just people,
after all.

There are several different styles of swinging which you may see in
the swinging community. Some people may prefer not to be around when
their partner is having sex with someone else ("closed
swinging"), while others may insist on it ("open
swinging"). The term "soft swinging" refers to trading
partners just for the purposes of heavy petting and then switching
back to one’s primary partner for any actual sex. It might be
valuable for you to think about whether there are any potential
situations that you feel you would be more or less comfortable in, and
discuss these with your partner.

Although not all couples find it necessary to do this, some couples
feel more comfortable having social "codes" that only the
two of them know. Examples might be discreet phrases or gestures which
mean a) one of you is attracted to the people or person he or she is
talking to and wants to know if you are interested in swinging with
them, b) a reply to the above, either affirmatively or negatively, and
c) one of you is not having a good time and wants to get away from
things for a while.

At off-premises events such as dances, it’s common for people to
dress up or else wear fairly sexy clothing. Dress at on-premises
events tends to be more casual, since nudity is a common outcome of
the evening for many. At on-premises clubs it’s a good idea to bring
something like a robe so you don’t have to put all your clothes back
on after sex, and to avoid wearing lots of jewelry that might get
lost. If there’s a dress theme for a particular event, go with the

By the way, it is not necessary to actually have sex with other
people to have a good time in the swinging community. Off-premises
activities such as dances can provide a wonderful opportunity to flirt
and be flirted with in a non-threatening yet sexually-charged
atmosphere, which can be fun in and of itself. On-premises activities
can provide an opportunity to appreciate the sights and sounds of sex
as an enhancement to sex with your primary partner, whether you two
decide to have sex at the party or after the party.

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